My grandpa is obsessed with becoming a great grandpa

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein) 03/11/2014 at 18:09 • Filed to: None

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My grandpa turns 90 this year. For the past few years, he's been fixated on getting us grandkids to start making great grandbabies for him. He mostly focuses on the female grandkids, especially my cousin who's been living with her bf for a few years. Here's a 1924 Rolls-Royce Silver Ghost Boattail for the year he was born.

My cousin emailed me today that she intercepted a letter from my grandpa, addressed to her bf. It was a 3-page essay on all the reasons they need to get married and start making babies. It is...mortifying. Luckily she got to it before the bf did.

It's such an amazing literary work, that I've copied it in its entirety. I've added emphasis for some of the good parts. And yes, he titled it like an essay rather than addressing it to the bf.

TL;DR - "Y'all need to get married and start popping out babies ASAP before I die."

Some Thoughts on Marriage
February 10, 2014

It is probably rare for a couple to think about the reasons for getting married. I know that I did not think of it in a philosophical sense. Two people fall in love and believe that they would like to spend their lives together. They don't think of the basic drive of love in the Darwinian sense is to procreate. This is too much of a cold psychological motive.

But we wanted very much to have children and to do so once we were married. I can't tell you how excited when (my aunt) and (my dad) were born, and how much joy we had during their childhood years, and teens, and in their achievements in school and college.

Moreover, it was equally joyful when they had children. We did not think that this was the way for them and us to create the next generation and the generations thereafter. Even now we are concerned that our grand children succeed and live the good life. Sustaining mankind is not a factor at all in our thinking. But that's how it works.

Now how does one explain the delay of marriage and children? This is a matter of psychology, resources, etc. Now I was just reading a review of a book in today's Washington Post. Recognizing that libido is the most fundamental drive, why then should two people marry if they have all the sex without marriage? Of course, there are other practical reasons to avoid marriage as suggested above.

But there are also important reasons to have children while you are young. For example, I recognize that it is a good idea to live together for some period to test your ability to get along. We did not have or consider this possibility in our generation. Many divorces could be avoided by having a test period. On the other hand, one presumes that a period of 4 or 5 years should be more than enough to pass such a test.

It has been said that "love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage." Also it has been said that "relationships are a basic human need and that a stable, loving relationship is the absolute cornerstone of human happiness and general well being."

Also, it has been noted that humanity has evolved a strong, physiologically based attachment system that drives the infant to attach to the mother. Children develop one of several styles of attachment that they carry into their adult relationships. The development of secure adults arises from their knowledge that they can count on their caregivers, so they won't obsessively worry that they won't be abandoned by their partners.

One of the features of a long pre-marriage relationship is that the participants frequently take each other for granted. Also, in their daily activities they meet many others who are equally or more attractive than each other. So why should I stick with my present lover when there are others who are good candidates for marriage?

Still another feature is the delay of children. Children are the seal of a good marriage. I have already spoken of the happiness we have derived from our kids—and how that becomes one of the main factors that blesses marriage.

Well, I have said a great deal and have repeated myself. I end this message with our personal hope that we will still be around to attend your wedding.

With sincere respect and hope for a happy and rewarding life,

(Grandpa)

P.S. - In a practical sense, think of the increase in interest rates as the years go by. An increase of 1% from 4 to 5% over 30 years will be a whopping big number.

Effef > Textured Soy Protein 03/11/2014 at 18:15

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I am so glad my sister decided to have kids. She took care of the grandkid thing for my parents so I don't have too.

Also, I know your grandpa probably believes he is being helpful, but he can fuck off with that. Your sister gets to determine when to have kids, nobody else.

ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper > Textured Soy Protein 03/11/2014 at 18:18

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Ha, you're Grandpa is the man! and this should be made into a movie...I imagine the next time he sees said bf and vaguely/discretely alludes to the letter to which he has no clue about...yeah...thats the stuff.

Textured Soy Protein > ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper 03/11/2014 at 18:26

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I think my cousin's going to call out grandpa for doing this. He's been bugging her about this for years and she always pushes him off but he never gets the message to leave her alone. Since she took the time to scan the letter and email it to her parents, her brother, me, my siblings and my parents, I have a feeling this is the last straw for her.

She's 26, it's not like time to have kids is running out. He's convinced he's on his last legs (also for several years, and yet he's still here!) and wants her to get married and pregnant before he dies.

ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper > Textured Soy Protein 03/11/2014 at 18:27

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This is what to expect?

Jagvar > Textured Soy Protein 03/11/2014 at 18:29

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This actually strikes a very personal chord with me. I've been getting the same pressure from my parents, almost to the point of bullying. All they care about anymore is becoming grandparents, like it's their divine right and I have no say in the matter. Honestly, I'm perfectly happy with my life and don't have much desire to have children. If I hear one more time that I'm "destroying [their] legacy" by remaining childless, I'm just going to snap. It is my life, after all.

f86sabre > Textured Soy Protein 03/11/2014 at 18:32

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It's kind of sweet when you look at it from the outside. On one hand he is right, Family and kids are great things. You can't count the smiles you get from having kids in your life. He is also right that having a stable home is good for kids. That said, the parents need to go into that step, in my opinion, when they are prepared. There is never a perfect time, but it helps to have the basics in place like a stable relationship, resources to keep the family secure and all that.

Textured Soy Protein > ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper 03/11/2014 at 18:33

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In her email to all of us she said "someone needs to say something to him."

The thing with my grandpa is he's the type of person who believes that he knows what's best for other people, offers his unsolicited advice, and then gets mad when people don't immediately put his unsolicited advice into action. Like he genuinely doesn't understand why my cousin hasn't already gotten married and popped out 3 kids.

I told her she's the only one who can say something to him, because if anyone else in the family says something on her behalf, gramps will get pissed that she shared the letter.

Textured Soy Protein > Jagvar 03/11/2014 at 18:35

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I feel your pain. My grandpa isn't concerned with his legacy as he is with seeing at least 1 of his grandkids get married and make babies before he dies. He's been thinking he's at the end for several years now but he's still around and kicking.

A few years back when I brought my gf at the time to visit the fam, he started bugging me about it, but I nipped it in the bud right quick. As soon as he asked when I was getting married I told him he's going to have to find some other grandkid to pin his great grand baby hopes on because I'm not doing it anytime soon.

So...maybe him nagging my cousin so much is a tiny bit my fault? Nahhhhh........

Your boy, BJR > Textured Soy Protein 03/11/2014 at 18:37

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Holy fuck that was eloquent. Was he a college professor?

ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper > Textured Soy Protein 03/11/2014 at 18:37

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Life has a funny way of giving us those I told you so situations..watch you go through the same thing with you grand kids lol. Poor gramps, he just wants that added title, can you blame him?

Textured Soy Protein > f86sabre 03/11/2014 at 18:38

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Yeah the things he says, well some of them, aren't actually crazy.

But my cousin's 26 and gramps already been nagging her to get married and pregnant for like 3-4 years.

I'm the oldest of my siblings, and my dad was 29 when I was born.

My cousin is the oldest of her siblings and her mom was like 36 when she had her.

So just going by gramps' own kids' track record of having babies, my cousin's not even close to baby range yet.

Textured Soy Protein > Your boy, BJR 03/11/2014 at 18:39

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Actually, yes. Meteorology though, not English.

He has a PhD from MIT.

Your boy, BJR > Textured Soy Protein 03/11/2014 at 18:53

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Figured. lol

Squid > Textured Soy Protein 03/11/2014 at 19:12

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My sisters all thought I was going to be the first one with kids, but I have a strong "no baby factory" policy in effect. My dog is enough of a child for me right now. Granted I'll be 29 next month, but I'm still trying to finish up college and get my shit together, the last thing I need is a baby around. My sister took care of the needs of my parents to be grandparents last year so I'm in the clear for the time being. But it is funny, my grandma who is now 93 and a half (she likes to remind people of the half, I guess when you are that old the half years get to be important again) bugged the shit out of my sister that is married to start having kids. To be fair to my grandma, my sister has been married for 13 years now and she's been with her husband for 18 years now so I guess some gentle ribbing to have kids was fine.

JR1 > Textured Soy Protein 03/11/2014 at 19:13

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Just give the man what he wants! He did basically create you. I think you guys owe this too him. Screw your own personal interests.

f86sabre > Textured Soy Protein 03/11/2014 at 20:43

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We were in our 30s as well. Normal for our generation.

Luc - The Acadian Oppo > Textured Soy Protein 02/11/2015 at 13:05

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As much as I hate to admit it you are becoming one of my favorite posters. I get great joy of reading about your work/family related problems. Keep these coming this is good stuff.

Textured Soy Protein > Luc - The Acadian Oppo 02/11/2015 at 13:17

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Thanks! I figure my life is pretty good, but there's a lot of little absurdities that seem to find their way towards me. Might as well laugh at them.